Lauren's Journal

stoned...............

slept round lucys last nite. with tams and james. well loads of fun.

well today has been good...
had a massive argument with my brother this morning cos he kicked my door down and hurt me because i wouldnt give him £2.50 for fags. got to college depressed and borrowed lucys tool. my arms are trashed iv neva done it this much in my life there is blood everywhere, my jacket is covered in it. then murked some of laurens weed. nice one still got loads left. il meet up with spooner again tonite. for some reason that always makes me feel better. i am monging off my face and have been for the last 15 days. my body feels like i have abused it and battered it. crap binge.xx:(

well, didnt get anything last night so the 2 week thing is ruined but spent the nite with spooner watching the marine. crap film, good company kinda. we were talking about how long weve been single for and im still better than spooner but it sucks. over 5 months. somebody find me a guy pleasee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey. right well i have the following problems:
(1)i have been non sober for the last 11 days and then ruined it today because i have no money and nobody has anything. damn

(2)i really like andrew and i dont know whether its because iv been single for too long or cos i really actually like him. he is soo fit and he has a georgeous personality as well. i just wish it was easier to talk to guys. i know hes single but for how long?/ i need to do something. any comments??

(3)i still dont know what to do about spooner hes a complete know head who uses me when and where he feels like it and hurts me but i just let him!! has the world gone crazy

(4) i need a guy now weed cannot stop this anymore.
help me please i hate this and i hate everything and my brother found my blade yesterday and went skitsz after lucy left. my mums coming back in 2 days and im now having second thoughts about moving out. CRAP SHIT BOLLOCKS "*!!X£

been stoned the last few days. total up to 10 days or something. lost count. lol. cut my hair and dyded it yesterday. bored. lucy came up to hadleigh had a good day but for some reason i still feel like crap even though everything is better.

today was shit. except for the fact i have vodka in my bag hopefully ems piercing my ears again 2nite

"and as the blood trickled down my arm i sighed, suc deep relief" i managed to get stoned ben had some but then ben and spooner just left me so i had nothing to do but cut. why is spooner such a 2faced cunt. 1 moment he cant keep his hands of m and the next he is being a prick. i just dont know what to do with myself. nobody actually gives a shit do they??

ok change of mind. i got stoned with robby like 5 days ago. that officially makes a count of 6 days of weedness. lol. oh god my life feels good right now but when my head clears it will all be shit again.

hey. for the last five days i have been stoned off my head and now i feel like shit and everything takes so long to do. how come when your stoned things seem soo much eaasier even though you cant even do it.????? need more weed. update later xx